i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
