Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think my moral compass just broke
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