I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
