covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so let's talk penis.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
