Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
