I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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