Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
