You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize