Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
