Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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