I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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