I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
