you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
