Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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