nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
