i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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