It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Two words: blizzard sex
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
