My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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