I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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