she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
