So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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