reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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