alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
