erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
