I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
