don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
