I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
