yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
