i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
