I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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