i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
