WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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