i already hear my dad disowning me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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