i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
