It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
