Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
