things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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