a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
