i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
