In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
