Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
