Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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