Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was CRYING into my vagina
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
