After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
