She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize