if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
