I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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