She announced her abortion via fbk
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
