Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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