one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
