I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
