that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
