you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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