When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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