I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
