Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sober January is a disaster.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm too high and old for this...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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