On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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