I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
