she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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