I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
