What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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