i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
