i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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