just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
