you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize