Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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