Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im calling her cock vulture from now on
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
