Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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