u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
