I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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