I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
