Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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