I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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